“I don’t want to age, I want to stay as I am”

When Marilyn leaves for Hollywood to turn “some love her hot”. Similarly, she realizes that she is again pregnant and immediately phone me from there, delirious with happiness, drowning the device under a flood of words.

But. Therefore, shortly after her return, things are starting to spoil: she has a panic fear that the baby is not doing well and tries to reduce his daily doses of champagne and pills so as not to hurt him; She then becomes horrified. Nevertheless, “If you knew how worried I am. However, it’s a bad sign: there is certainly something abnormal, I feel good, I’m so cold!” Indeed, she trembles, despite the blankets that I impile on her. Nevertheless, Something is “i don’t want age, i not going well. Moreover, One morning, Marilyn begins to shout pain by hiccuping: “I am losing the baby. However, At noon. Meanwhile, in front of his state close to hysteria and the obvious gravity of the crisis, May Reis calls the doctor and the ambulance, then with Arthur Miller, takes Marilyn at full speed to the polyclinic in the western district of Manhattan.

Late at night, Mr. Meanwhile, Miller returns, carrying the bad news to which I had to expect. Additionally, Meanwhile, He has lost none of his cold. Meanwhile, compassement, but I see that he struggles hard not to collapse: Marilyn lost her child … In addition, I start to cry. Furthermore, In the friendly way he puts my arm around my shoulders, I know that we share the same and very deep sorrow.

Two days later, she is about to leave the “i don’t want age, i hospital. Therefore, Outside. In addition, at the door, the usual troop of reporters, flashes and pens in hand; Instinctively under applause, she smiles by waving the arm. Therefore, Whatever the circumstances. In addition, I have always seen her play comedy perfectly in front of his audience: it should not be disappointed! Similarly, But once in the car, she melts in tears: “What did they applaud?” I lost my child, it’s my life, it doesn’t look at them! In addition, I am only their prey. Similarly, They hate me! Therefore, »»

&quot. In addition, i don't want age, i – "i don't want age, i

Suicide attempts – "i don't want age, i

I had left her at the end of the afternoon, but when I arrived at 8 am the next morning, I found her passed out on the bed descent, her face smeared from the memories of a meal which she had to restore in her entire. Consequently, Unable to bring her back to “i don’t want age, i her, I called the emergency doctor.

When she woke up. under the eyes of a very anxious Arthur Miller, she asked with a smile weakly: “What happened?” Where am I? “And immediately after, the most innocently in the world:” My God that I am hungry! After having engulfed an entire dish of spaghetti. she explains to me that she had gone dinner, that she was very beautiful, but that no one had recognized her in the restaurant. It’s just if her friends had congratulated her; They hadn’t stopped talking about their job! She had come out so disappointed. sad and depressed, that by arriving at her house, unable to fall asleep, she had first taken a sleeping pill, then two, then three. “So I had enough and I swallowed a handful, but I don’t know how much … but I swear that I did not want to kill myself!” I’m not “i don’t want age, i there anyway, you have to believe myself … You saved my life. thank you a thousand times, but I didn’t want to die, I have too much to do to die! »»

The day after the missed jump, I reminded her of this anecdote and she smiled cheerfully. “It’s true, I was right!” I don’t want to die until I made the films I dream of. and I will shoot them, you can be sure. Let’s not talk about this story anymore, I will not start again, it is promised. »»

Internment in Payne-Whitney – "i don't want age, i

One afternoon. she leaves the apartment before me to go to one of her doctors, and does not come back. The next morning. I find the room empty, and her public relations agency makes me warn that she was taken to the Payne-Whitney clinic. It is a dozen buildings from there. on East River, a sumptuous building renowned to “i don’t want age, i be the “crazy house of wealthy people” and in which I know, Marilyn obstinately refuses to be treated.

She displeased herself there such that after two days she phones Joe Dimaggio in Florida by begging him to come. get her out of there. He arrives immediately. had her transported to the Presbyterian hospital in Columbia, where he was given a single room and without bars. “Payne-Whitney was a prison!” Grids with windows, steel doors and cells, and I wanted to put the camisole by force! It’s a house for crazy, dangerous crazy! If Joe hadn’t come … you imagine … “

No. Marilyn is not crazy, she is only unhappy; But the idea that the psychiatrist in whom she had so confident could have believed her really unbalanced her troubles beyond everything. Finally he will be able to convince her that there has been misunderstanding. but this adventure leaves traces: Marilyn remains “i don’t want age, i worried, she often thinks of this alleged madness, and on this new subject of anxiety is added the thought of her mother, neat for the same reasons, and her grandmother who died in a health house …

Kind men

She sometimes remains seated for hours. to speak of actors, artists or other men of her knowledge, wondering about their lives or their sexual arrangements, wondering if he must be pleasant or not, to be their partner.

One day that she chats on her beginnings in Hollywood. she confides to me that she agreed to sleep with almost all the men who asked her, without attaching importance to their physique, but with one condition: that they are “nice, very tender with me”. “Since it made them happy, why not?” I personally saw no drawbacks, and I loved it to see them smile so much … “

Anxiety of aging

She begins to notice certain small clues “i don’t want age, i which had previously escaped her. For example her breasts. of which she was so proud and which she often liked to point out or experience firmness; Overnight, she decrees that they become soft. Then here. there on the thighs and buttocks, she discovers tiny stripes, probably due to her weightlessness and successive magnifications. Finally it is the face, which reveals a wrinkle, another: “That’s it!” I have goose legs! For the first time. she is aware of starting to become less young, and this idea terrifies her: “I don’t want to age, I want to stay as I am. She is starting to worry seriously: age, beauty, roles that hide. More. more worried, she begins to think when she is wrong to stay in New York, and that if the roles do not come to her, she must go to take them.

Disguised outings

Doing shopping with her has become something unimaginable. “i don’t want age, i She begins by dressing. make up as if she had to go to an evening then, without wanting to disguise herself, chooses a medium term in the form of a black wig, “otherwise, there would be a riot! Which obviously could be quite funny! Her favorite store is Bloomingdale’s, less because of what she can buy there than many men who stare at her.

Despite countless brands of attention. Marilyn is never really sure of its effects: a new wrinkle, a slight badly placed fold discovered in the morning … Here it is upset! No matter how much I swear that she is as beautiful as any woman can be. nothing helps: she refuses to believe that her friends can tell her the truth and, to experience their sincerity, she herself has her own experiences with foreigners.

This is how with her black wig. her head covered with a scarf and barely “i don’t want age, i made up, she will sit at the bar of the Manny Wolf restaurant, at the corner of the 111st avenue and the 50th street. At this hour. it is dark and she looks like any woman who from one day to the next is never the same. Without lipstick, completely natural, she is really herself.

Great is her curiosity -. even her fright – to see what men sincerely think when she is not crowded with the usual paraphernalia of cinema stars: “I have to look like a simple woman, but not Marilyn Monroe: and I will only know what people really think of me. »»

The eternal need for love

The results enchant her: she returns to the house generally before midnight. and always lonely, because her goal is not to make conquests, but only to verify that she is capable of them. Navigators, businessmen, lawyers … all offer her to have “i don’t want age, i a drink. she laughs madly to tell me about their approaches and their merry -go -round.

Yet one evening, despite the crowd, no one addresses him. She returns to tears and. a cut of champagne in hand, studies carefully in the ice every millimeter of her face sobbing. It was of course only a completely exceptional journey accident … very quickly, she regained her insurance and her successes. Poor Marilyn, so fragile and so delicate: a disappointing evening, and here she is at the bottom of despair!

“No one will want to marry me anymore. I have only flaws: I can’t have children, I don’t know how to do anything at home, I divorced three times … Who will want me?” – Thousands of men, I’m sure. – Yes, but who will love me? »»

Joe Dimaggio loves him, for sure, but he does not want, as we know, hearing about a new “i don’t want age, i marriage. As for Sinatra, he runs from adventures in adventures, and each time his name is pronounced, Marilyn becomes horrified. While recognizing that she has very little chance of being able to conquer him. she hopes to have one day reason of fate.

This article is extracted from the Paris Match HS dedicated to Marilyn Monroe available in newsstands and our digital shop.